Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
