and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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