never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
