he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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