Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
