I murdered the dance floor call the cops
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
