Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
