the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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