Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
