Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Im part way to drunk.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
