The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
