Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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