Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
