How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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