i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
