Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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