You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
