My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize