remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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