I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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