Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
