After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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