You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
