Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
