Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
