You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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