I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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