We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
