The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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