nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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