yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
