I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
