you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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