You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
farters have to be the big spoon...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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