guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
