also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
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I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
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What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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