What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
