i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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