How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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