Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Randomize
