You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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