Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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