Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize