I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
