I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
two words...techno handjob
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
