There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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