Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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