sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
