I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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