On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
