i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
