i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
