I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
