just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
