Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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