DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
