Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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