i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
