Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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