I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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