the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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