dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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