she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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