That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
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once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
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From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize