whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
