Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
