Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
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