so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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