He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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