it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
