Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
