I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
